Back to New Parents Are People Too

Eight Secrets for New Parents to Master

I use the word secrets to describe basic foundation traits that all new parents need to maintain mental, emotional, and physical health.  Better than that, these foundational traits translate into concrete, real life coaching skills that you can practice now in your partnership.  Research has demonstrated that a depressed mom is more likely to have a depressed toddler.  An angry father may demonstrate such behavioral patterns for his child to model.  To change these patterns now is a golden opportunity to be a successful person, and moreover, an outstanding parent.  Here are the 8 secrets that every new parent should know, and I will walk you through every step on your journey to success.

Secret One: Healthy Self-Esteem

Long-standing research in education and psychology consistently has correlated healthy levels of self-esteem to success and leadership.  Healthy self-esteem gives you the edge as a successful, nurturing parent in that you will find yourself with more confidence and willingness to grow with your mate.

Secret Two: Open Communication

A fundamental truth about relationships is that your intimacy is founded upon your ability to speak with each other and trust what you hear.  Communication consists of speaking a clear message and also listening with attention.  It is true that if you don’t speak and listen clearly with each other, then your children are likely to get mixed messages about what you expect from them.  How lucky you are that you have started on your personal growth journeys with each other, using your self-coaching skills.

Secret Three: Solving Problems and Resolving Conflict

Believe it or not the majority of people do not know how to solve a problem.  A problem requires that someone observe the situation, assess the dynamics, review the resources and then think through viable solutions.  For example, if you knew ahead of time that you would be breastfeeding your newborn, then you would anticipate any problems you might encounter and then educate yourself on the solutions.  You might keep a reference book on breastfeeding nearby for those small emergency questions.  It is possible to anticipate the major problems of being a new parent and educate yourself to solve the problem before it happens.

Secret Four: Managing Stress

If you do encounter problems or conflicts, there is no reason that you have to panic or be fearful that you cannot handle it.  Through the fourth secret, you will learn to identify your stressors as well as your reaction patterns to stress.  Once you know which behaviors are unproductive for you or causes you distress, you can change them.

Secret Five: Building Resilience

Building resilience is probably one of the more important secrets because of its ability to impact your entire life significantly.  Daily exercises for physical health, mental health and emotional fitness are plentiful in this chapter.  You will benefit from coaching yourself in resilience right away because it serves you best in the first two months your child is home.

Secret Six: Trusting Your Intuition

I have interviewed many parents in my private practice, workshops and seminars whose children were under one year of age.  When I asked them which secrets they thought were important for new parents, they rated trusting intuition as high.  I believe that their responses were influenced by their status as new parents because they had to make decisions and solve problems quickly.  They were accustomed to going with their gut level feeling.  It often turned out to be right.  Also when you receive advice about parenting from well-intended family members, sometimes it is most important that you learn to trust your own feelings about the situation.  When you do so, you’ll arrive at an answer that stems from your confidence rather than another’s advice.

Secret Seven: Caring and Patience

The qualities of patience and caring will not appear automatically when your child is born, but these two qualities are profound in their effects upon your relationships.  If you don’t give or receive enough patience and caring in your relationship, then start practicing now by building loving habits that will be passed on to your child.

Secret Eight: Flexibility

When your child comes home, time disappears.  You enter an environment of meeting the needs of your child on her schedule, and time seems to go away for a while.  Rather than set your life by the clock, you learn to be fluid in the dance with your child and each other.  You want to enjoy this auspicious dance, as it happens only once.  The dance will bring you the flexibility to adjust to your new relationships.

Exercise: Do you know the secret?

Use the following exercise to explore how you and your mate rate as a couple when it comes to the eight secrets of successful new parents.  On a scale of one to eight, with one being the lowest and eight being the highest, rate how prepared you feel in each area.  Then, use the results to formulate a success plan that incorporates the eight secrets for new parents into your life.

Self-Esteem 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Intuition     1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Communication    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Patience     1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Conflict Resolution 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Stress Management 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Flexibility    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Resiliency    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Summary

In this chapter, you learned how to use your self-coaching skills to evaluate relationships prior to transitioning into parenthood.  You also learned that this transition is not instant, but one that develops over time and runs the course of a physical pregnancy.  This transition is divided into three stages—Acceptance, Separation, and Exploration.  At each stage, expectant parents become increasingly aware of their growing child and their role as parent.  When preparing for parenthood, use your self-coaching tools to identify the changes you and your mate wish to make individually and as a couple.  Find out which of the eight secrets for new parents you already possess; then create and implement a success plan to help you embrace the others.

Wallet Card

Below, you will find some simple coaching points to remember.  Read the points from the end of each chapter, then cut each card out from the back of the book and keep it with you to remind you of your goals.

  • I trust my intuition.
  • I communicate openly and listen attentively.
  • I act with patience and nurture with care.
  • I prepare myself through positivity for new parenting roles.

Back to New Parents Are People Too


Like us on Facebook
Like us on Facebook
New Parents Are People TooChildren Are People Too
Like us on Facebook
Like us on Facebook
New Parents Are People TooChildren Are People Too

Did you miss Dr. Sharon on Lifetime TV, December 14th on The Balancing Act? Watch her appearance now and learn to “Lose the attitude. It could change your life!” Click here!

Dr. Sharon is featured in a recent parenting article on SheKnows: Click now to read How to Determine your Parenting Style

Dr. Sharon appears on CBS 12's Good Morning South Florida. Click Here to watch the segment

Dr. Sharon wins prestigious iParenting Media Award for “Children Are People Too”

Dr. Sharon wins prestigious iParenting Media Award for “New Parents Are People Too”

January, 2008 - Current Health, Balancing Act, by Tamekia Reece

January, 2008 - iParenting, "Baby Tantrums," by Shannon McKelden


Did you miss Dr. Sharon on Lifetime TV, December 14th on The Balancing Act? Watch her appearance now and learn to “Lose the attitude. It could change your life!” Click here!

Dr. Sharon is featured in a recent parenting article on SheKnows: Click now to read How to Determine your Parenting Style

Dr. Sharon appears on CBS 12's Good Morning South Florida. Click Here to watch the segment

Dr. Sharon wins prestigious iParenting Media Award for “Children Are People Too”

Dr. Sharon wins prestigious iParenting Media Award for “New Parents Are People Too”

January, 2008 - Current Health, Balancing Act, by Tamekia Reece

January, 2008 - iParenting, "Baby Tantrums," by Shannon McKelden